Tom Petty understands me

I like Free Fallin'. This should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me. Classic love rock song that borders on cheesy.

It's becoming so hard to wake up in the mornings. I don't know what I'm going to do when school starts if I can't seem to get up before 12 with feeling ridiculously tired. Seriously. A lot of things are going to start picking up soon, it is a little exciting, and mostly nerveracking. Did I spell that right? It is really easy to imagine all the great things that are to come, but actually facing them and having to live in reality is completely the opposite. I mean, God knows I can't do it on my own. No question. But yeah, I'm completely out of control in this one so, I think I'll just have to wait and have some faith.

I don't know what God thinks of me. I don't know exactly what He wants of me. I feel pretty passive in this relationship. The whole "go-with-the-flow" attitude was fine by me for a while, but right now it seems like taking advantage of all the things I can get out of God without actually having to give something else back. You know, like that way I treat my parents. Okay, that probably makes me sound like Queen Bitch, and I guess it's true. My relationship and my feelings toward them need a lot of work. My family is the most important thing in my life. I think we just need to talk to each other more.

Maybe that's what God wants. To be part of my life. Well it sounds so simple; what does it actually look like? Does it mean that I stop drinking? I actually had seriously considered stopping drinking, and I'm pretty sure that I'll tone it down, for health reasons as well as a feeling that drinking to feel better about yourself is pretty dumb. I think my biggest hesistation in stopping, is whether I can have the same amount of fun with my friends when I am sober. Alls I'm thinking, though, is that if our friendships hinge on this one thing then I have a more serious problem. And there it is, it sort of came down to relationships tonight. I sincerely hope that this semester focuses on my relationships with others, with my family, with God. Maybe then I'll get some real meaning in my life.