Steph thinks that this is stupid

I'm warm in my bed right now, enjoying the afternoon sun for the brief moments where it is actually nice to be in the apartment. It's actually getting late and the sun is going to be gone very soon. School finally starts tomorrow, but I don't actually have class on Tuesdays. Ha, I've scheduled Tuesdays to be working in the lab to do research, and I'm slightly nervous because my post-doc said that it will be very busy. If anything, it will be exciting or maybe educational. I realized that over the last semester, I learned so much about doing procedures and being organized, how it's really important to know and understand what you're doing. I hope that this semester can be even better. Man, I went through a lot of shit over it; about 80% of the time I just felt so inept and inequipped to be useful in a lab, but its usually the small changes that you don't notice but they build up over time that make a big difference between what you were before and what you are now.

I hung out with P-Face a lot since she got back from SaDo, driving her round to places and going to get stuff we need for school. And it was nice having dinner with my roommates and picking up Lena from the airport. I suppose you could even say that it's been encouraging to be able to see everyone again and I am in anticipation to have this new semester pan out.

Maybe this is a God thing, or just really well-timed. Maybe it is merely the tipping point or the thing that was bound to come out eventually. I can't think of a good saying for it, haha, my good verbal skills. Anyway, Johnathan called me last night and wanted to talk for ten minutes or so about something; he was being cryptic. So anyway I went over and was worried that either he liked me or was upset with me, both of which were not very comforting scenarios. And he wanted to talk about how I've changed over the last few years and how it's been affecting/disturbing him. I think that hearing his perspective on my behavior was the saddest for me, but also in a way incredibly gratifying to know that I have him as an awesome friend. I completely understood where he was coming from, since I have changed a lot and there is a very big change in my behavior from now and freshman year. In a lot of ways, I think that where I am now, is so much better than where I've been before, but he was right in noticing the change and being worried about it. Around last year, about the same time I had my semi-crisis revelation that I just might not love God or believe that He loves me, I also managed to cut him out. I couldn't really deal with his opinion or advice on Christianity, and probably one of my major regrets of last year is thinking that I didn't want him (or others for that matter) as part of my life.
But what is really interesting to me is how over time, I started to see him differently. I started to really notice and appreciate his concern for others, his desire to live life right, how he wasn't judgmental, and just a really cool guy. Either he was changing as well or I was getting some new perspective in life, most likely both are true. The good thing about our talk was how I was able to tell him how I really felt about things, maybe explain some of my shitty behavior, and ask if we could be good friends again, to count on each other and so on. I am pretty tired of being satisfied with half-committed friendships and I think it worthwhile to make the extra effort. Because we are all connected I think, as people/humanity, and a lot of times what we need is to know that we won't have to go through it alone. And, I'm pretty proud of him for following his convictions and bringing his thoughts to me, because trying to rebuild our friendship without going back and sorting through the messed up parts would not be helpful growing as friends. And we talked about that stuff for about 45 minutes. It was good. So thanks, =). And thanks for listening.