Today, everything feels hopeless. Maybe I am just not cut out for any of this. God, that thought depresses the hell out of me. I can't shake it either. It feels as though my inabilities are just constantly hanging over me and I can't ever make the right decisions or use good judgment. I don't want it to affect me so much. Please make it stop. I don't know what else to do. And You're supposed to be helping me through this. Why do I keep fucking up God? I'm so tired of it. You're tired of it. Everyone is fucking tired of it. And I am really angry. How am I supposed to believe in change and hope and all that when everything is exactly the same? There is a real disparity between the things that I know and the actions that result. In fact, it's as if it doesn't matter at all what is inside if what is coming out is all fucked up.
I hope that I just have to get this all out so that I can move on. And I've been carrying this around all day. I hate myself for it. Stupid... everything... I keep trying to be positive about it. GOD. I don't understand. I really really don't. And right now, I am sure that it is not supposed to be like this. I don't feel this bad for so long about anything except this. I just honestly can't deal with things. It bothers me. Everything bothers me. I'm still really angry. Why am I stuck? We need to get past this. You have to help me. I can't do anything.
Okay I'm done. I need help.
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